I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
