Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
