I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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