69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
