I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
