btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Panties = found
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
