; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
