i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
