After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
