we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this boner is exhausting
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
