How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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