so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Randomize
