Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
