We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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