"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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