my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
