I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
love makes seman taste better
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
