$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
