dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
