I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
