I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have so many feelings about this burrito
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
