Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
