Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
organizing the empties. That sober.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
