i wish my penis had a tongue
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
foreskin is a definite game changer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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