Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Terrible idea I love it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
