You're my little dorito
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
