Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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