I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
