Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
