that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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