I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
