My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
