In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
