In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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