I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
