best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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