I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
