I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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