So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
