Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
