oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
