I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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