I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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