o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
