You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
