But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
