how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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