Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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