Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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