Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
