can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
