He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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