how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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